B.

I've practiced this for hours, gone round and round

and now I think that I've got it all down

And As I say it Louder, I love how it sounds

Cause i'm not taking the easy way out.

Now every girl I've been with after you, just ain't the same

I've been on that rebound tip, I can't believe you got me feelin like this.

And every other mornin it's your face that I miss.

man your boy's sick.

Shawty was a 10, but I was on that Bull when I was with

You.You.You.You.You.

I've been thinkin about you. And how it used to be then.

Back when we didn't have to live we could start again.

There's nothing left to say, don't waste another day.

Just you and me tonight, everything will be okay

If it's alright with you then it's alright with me,

baby let's take this time lets make new memories.

Bring it back to the time when you and me had just begun

When I was still your number one

Do you Remember

Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart, well you could try sleepin in my bed.

Never Say Never.

What is Love?

-->

Love was when your best friend skips work to introduce you to a girl he called his friend.

Love was keeping your distance, sticking to the bro code, and leaving your opinions closed.

Love was your best friend telling you he’s not with her.

Love was for him telling you to see what’s up with her, and how she is doing.

Love was the first text you ever said to her, asking her to a drink and getting rejected.

Love was meeting your best friend for dinner, but surprised by another guest.

Love was her sitting next to you, and not your best friend.

Love was eating ribs with your best friend while she ate a Chocolate lava cake.

Love was you wanting to see her again, but never made the move to.

Love was going on a date with your best friend and the girl you had interest in.

Love was your best friend driving to pick her up. You moving to the back seat and letting her sit in the front.

Love was her holding your leg at BJ’s, while the waiter got the order all messed up.

Love was watching Pearl Harbor while cruising in the Integra with the two people that mattered the most.

Love was her moving from the front seat to the back seat, not because you asked her to, but because she wanted to.

Love was her resting her head on your shoulder, even though it is exceptionally boney and uncomfortable.

Love was when you abandoned your best friend, to watch another movie at the house.

Love was the countless times you went to Java City to Study just to be with her.

Love was her ringtone being You by Chris Brown.

Love was the night drives you’d take just to pick her up, cruise the streets with, then drop her back at home.

Love was having Ikea Icing on your face, and her cleaning it off with her lips.

Love was signing up for a class just because she was in there.

Love was sitting in the running car, talking with her, in 30 degree weather, for hours.

Love was going to Shari’s with your best friend and her, after her club nights.

Love was going riding, and letting her be your best friends passenger.

Love was not kissing her for two weeks just because.

Love was choosing her over your friends when they laughed at her.

Love was knowing she sometimes sweated on her hands and feet and not caring.

Love was dedicating With You by Chris Brown to her.

Love was giving her the name B, which stood for Babe, Baby, Boo,and all those other B names

Love was giving her the name B. because you didn’t want to be every other guy to her.

Love was her calling you on the drive home from dropping her off. 

Love was taking her to the same ol’ spots on different days. 

Love was letting the girl pluck your eyebrows because she was bored.

Love was watching Youtube Videos for hours.
Love was doing things different than the rest.

Love was taking a Women Psychology class because she was taking it.
Love was asking for reassurance because it made you feel special.

Love was going to 24 hour Starbucks and ordering her custom items not on the menu.

Love was not planning a special Valentine’s Day, but instead, going with the flow.

Love was spending a grand that day, and wanting to do it again and again.

Love was skipping class to sleep in with her.

Love was allowing her to watch her crush, Tom Welling, on TV all the time.

Love was taking her to your work and introducing her to your co-workers.
Love was her changing her make-up just to eyeliner, just because she knew that's all you liked.

Love was the head chef making her a house special, for free.

Love was listening to her Baby Makin Music CD she made for your cousin, yet never gave either a copy.

Love was letting her go to the clubs, and listen to her afterwards, how many guys wanted to swoop her.

Love was her going to the casino, just to watch you and your best friend play blackjack.

Love was singing Usher’s part of My Boo while she sang Alicia’s part,  and man she could sing.

Love was holding her while she was cold.
Love was calling her back every time her phone randomly disconnected you.

Love was, at the end of the day, coming home to YOU.

Love was you and her.

Love was crying when reading a page long text message on what she wanted, and you weren’t in there.

Love was understanding her wants meant more than your needs.

Love was being friends even because she only wanted to be friends.

Love was still seeing her during class

Love was still making her CDs that she wanted, and loved.
Love was fronting that nothing would change.

Love was smiling because it happened, not because it was over.

Love was looking at every Red Mitsubishi Montero Sport, hoping it was hers.

Love was going to Tapioca Express, ordering her drink and letting it sit in your car.

Love was keeping the Princess Pillow and Blanket in your car for no one to use but her.

Love was driving in her neighborhood, just to see if she’d like to meet up.

Love was letting her best friend be her best friend.

Love was playing all the love songs that you felt for her.
Love was singing these songs like she cared.
Love was singing to no one, but hoping she could hear you.

Love was playing all the love songs she liked, without her.

Love was going to Shari’s alone hoping’ to see her after her club nights.

Love was going to Java City daily, just to see if you’d run into her again.

Love was hating her for texting you, but smiling because it made your day.

Love was hoping to go back.

Love was believing she’d come back.

Love is moving 3000 miles away, just because you don’t want the chance to see her because you know what would happen if you did.

Love is making her a playlist, and listening to it 24/7

Love is listening to The Best you Never had by Leona Lewis and fronting like it’s the truth.

Love is The Best you never had, thinkin the Title for yourself is, the best you ever had.

Love is listening to You by Chris Brown a year and a half later.
Love is playing her ringtone on your phone, thinking it's her calling.

Love is listening to Baby Love, and going down memory lane.

Love is listening to With You by Chris Brown when you wrote this.

Love is listening to Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart and trying to be like Alicia Keys.

Love is never deleting the voicemail she left when she called.

Love is listening to the voicemail, and smiling.

Love is being jealous.

Love is having her picture the background of your phone...still.

Love is wanting to be friends, but know it’s not for the best.
Love is still holding on to the napkin with her lips imprinted on them.
Love is still wearing the purple and pink hair ties she told you to hold.

Love is wanting to talk to her, but know you shouldn’t.

Love is thinking about her all the time.

Love is being glad it happened, and hating that it’s over. 

Love is knowing she won’t come back, even if you begged her.  But it doesn’t mean to give up, or let go. 

Love is knowing to keep your silence and be invisible. 

Love is letting her fulfill her wants over your needs.  It is letting her be happy, when you are suffering.  She might’ve been with you, but now she’s with him.  And there’s nothing you can do about it..

 Love isn’t wishing you were him, only jealous of him.  It isn’t hating him for having her.  It’s understanding that she’s pleased with him.

Love is being on the sidelines cheering for the opposing team.

Love is her beautiful smile.

Love is her caring self.

Love is her being the best memory you’ll ever have.

Love is taking the good with the bad.

Love is loving everything about her.

Love is B.

Sometimes, the greatest act of love is letting go.

one for the broken hearted.

Dedicated to those in hard times.

It is the cold touch I feel, while laying in the empty, unfulfilled, chilled, bed.
And when I awake, awake from the little sleep, if considered any sleep at all,
I look at my arm, the skinny yet muscular arm with little hairs that I have, with a grin
My arm is vacant, unfilled, dry, from your soft skin, and gentle touch.
The grin turns to anger, and instead of a smile, there is the worst, disgusted face anyone could imagine. The clock is ticking, sounds slower than the heart of mine, which beats an unbelievable 35 beats per minute, quite impossible to live off that other than to be a vegetable. school is in 3 hours, and I fell asleep for only 20 minutes.

You. You were the half of me, the half I couldn’t see in the mirror, yet I knew was always there. You were the half of me, the better half, the one I could count on no matter what world I was in. You were the best part of my day, the best part of my month, the best part of my year. Every second I needed, every minute I wanted, you and I were together, here, there, ready to conquer the world. You were the beauty in beautiful, You were the green in the money, the diamond in the rough, the needle in the haystack of the billion haystacks.

Did I fall asleep again? The bed seems to get colder and colder, even after laying here for hours, trying to fall asleep again. The comforter is no longer comforting, nor are the pillows on top of my face, in between my legs, under my arms, and beneath my head. Sleep used to be so tender, so grasping, refreshing, like a fresh squeeze of life, like a fresh squeeze of lemon.

Me.My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going, like infinity. The impossible was possible, and I couldn’t pick one word to describe my love. Because the love of you and me, is indescribable, unspeakable, untellable. My feelings go beyond this universe, beyond the heavens, and angels. Love’s only synonym in the dictionary is my feelings for you.

A sharp pain in my chest stops me from continuing, as I am conscious once again. There is no more sleep, as I glance at the time. Great one hour left in the night, which means I have one hour left to be myself, a man with pain and agony, who looks like a live tornado, disaster, with hair growing to be a ponytail, and a beard longer than shoe size.

How. How could you do this to me? The pain I feel, the anxiety I have, I can no longer sleep anymore. How do you sleep when the best part of you isn’t in bed at the end of the night. How do you wake up with the better half isn’t there to gaze, smile, look deep in your eyes, and say “good morning.”

This is a nightmare, wake me up when I am sober. Wake me up when this is over, because I don’t want to live in this nightmare. I pinch myself, hoping to awake from this dream, nightmare, fantasy, disaster, whatever this bullshit is. What is it? I pinch myself again, I still see the same room, feel the same cold sheets, and pillows. I am still awake. I never went to sleep, this is the real life. This can’t be happening, how could everything have been so perfect a month ago, and now there’s nothing but catastrophe.
It’s time for school. Just another typical night, the one that started months ago. I don’t remember when the last time I actually had some legitimate sleep. I haven’t had the feeling of breathing fresh, open ocean, seagull flying, wave-crashing, oxygen. Instead, it’s more like trash can, vomit, old pizza, moldy apples, dog shit I’ve been smelling. I hate going out because I put on this front like I’m actually living. I hate going to work because they think I’m some super fly guy, when in reality, I’m just another guy dying. My mind keeps going in circles, like revolutions, kinda like those Nascar races on ESPN, that drive 350 laps around a track, just to waste gas. I am like a vampire, the true self only coming out at night. I sit, I wait to get up.


I. I am unspoken, I am speechless. The words I want to say, I can’t, the feelings I have are in reverse, and I can not live. I don’t eat anymore, I can’t taste anything. I can’t tell black from white, I can think of you without having one tear. I am empty, I am unfulfilled, vacant. Vacant because I was vacated, left, strayed. I am isolated, alone, solo, single. I hate you, but I need you. i hate you, but I want you. I hate you, but I have to have you. I hate you, I love you, and I am without you.



Just Another Sad Love Song.

She is more than a person, she is more than one.
They say it’s over, they say it is done.
But how can this be over, how can this one girl
Be such a big part of you, be such your world.
Did you do something wrong, did you do something to start this fight.
Why was it wrong, why does it feel so right.
She was apart of you, she was apart of your world
She was more than just a friend, she was more than just a girl.
She told me you were forbidden, she told you, you lied,
You know you didn’t lie, you know instead, you cried.
The heart tries to heal itself, the heart has felt much pain.
Why is it always blue skies, why is it a day without rain.
She ripped you into pieces, she ripped you for darn good.
Now you are in no comfort, now you are in no mood.
You used to go in circles, you used to go into rotations.
This is more than pain, this is more than aggravation.
This is a problem, this is one without a single solution.
This one isn’t a circle, this one isn’t a revolution.
It’s over now, it’s over with.
You had your last hug, you had your last kiss
They say your first love is the hardest, they say your first love is the worse
They say it’ll stay with you, they say it’ll stay with you like a curse
You don’t know what to do no more, you don’t know what to expect.
All you are is ignored, all you feel is a neglect.
We never wanted the relationship to finish, we never wanted it to end.
We hate hearing the words of never again, we hate the words, ‘just friends’
They say it’s about loving what you have, they say it’s about loving what you got.
Sometimes we think about history, sometimes we think about what we lost.
And along the way we question ourselves, we question ourselves what we did wrong.
We listen to our friends, we listen to our family, we listen to those sad love songs.
In the beginning we claim these songs are wrong, in the beginning we claim these songs absurd.
The heart speaks more than heart beats, the heart speaks more than words
These wrongs we hear, these wrongs we don’t believe
Help us through struggle, help us through the hardest time of grieve.
Whenever the world walks out, whenever the world has gone
You’re standing all alone, you’re standing with just that sad love song.


i am here if you need me brother. everything will work out. keep your head up.

yEyEr

They say be careful what you wish for, because you never know what you’re gonna get.
I’ve heard that one before, they say it’s cause you don’t expect.
And it’s the best to explore, not to expect the unexpected.
Something unexpected, is nothing to be regretted, and is easier to forgetted.
It’s not a settle for less-ED, you settle for the bestED.
Something that wasn’t expected is always the bestEst.
Best, better than the restES, of what you never testED.

Somethin unexpected, a surprise is,
Somethin doesn’t require any trYes.
You look, you smile, say hi’s, with no good byyes.
It’s a moment of highlights, no rejecting of denyEst,
At The peak, this time is your Finest.
No compromises, this is the highest, the time of your flyest
They’re jealous of the staTiss, livin the high life is the lifest.
Your smilest is just the nices, its so excitin!
This is just the lifeest.

These moments is the lightin of your lifein
The definin timin of your thronin
It’s as good as when she’s moanin
When an artist is peakin, he’s composin
What good is the notion without words spoken
Works isn’t about the commotion, but bout the potion
Lies need to be unspoken, the power is within the devotion
Fill my ears with millions, rub it in like lotion

These seconds define the rest of your time here
Look at the shawty over heyer,
Are you seein, she’s right theyer.
Her grin is just a leyer, her smile is so reyer
There’s no one that compayers
She’s so high up in the aires
Highest then the restest, it’s so unfayer.
Get up get out over your feares
How do I gain her favEr
I want to be part of her flaver
hold on i needa say a prayer
cuz I look at her like she my savior.
Like these people revolve their life around the payper
she needs to come over right heyer
so i can my dearyer
i love her is all i can sayer.

Her and Me

I was on the field, on the sidelines
She was in the band, she plays the flute
I was hitting hard, tackling people
She was cheering hard, like a lunatic.

I brought her balloons, three of them
She gave me a hug, a long one
I gave her a silver bracelet, for a bargain
She gave me a kiss, on the cheek

I asked her out, like she’d say yes
She said yes, okay she did
Proms’ at 7, at a hotel
She’ll pick me up, I didn’t have a car

We went and danced, all night long
We also took pictures, 150 I paid anyway
We went to my house, no after party
We kissed in the car, Lips this time

She called the next day, I’m tired
She told me she had a great time, so did I
She wanted to tell me something, hmmm.
She just broke up with her boyfriend, this is not going to end well

We continue to talk for months, on the phone
Nothing was official, I wished it was
But I kept a distance, just to be safe
No sign of the other guy, thank God

The guy calls my cell phone, I wonder how
Told me I was a punk, you’re the one that lost
He told me he wants to fight me, oh great
He said stay away from my girl, I’m like ‘we’ll see’

I called her, she better pick up
I said the guy wants to fight me, I suck at punching
She said I fell for it, for what?
She used me to get to him, my mind is blown

She said thanks for being a fool, I sure was
She said she never liked me, ouch
The other guy was a better kisser, can’t confirm that
She said later loser, yeah I was

Three years later, like right now
She was dumped by that guy, for another girl
She came to me, why?
She wanted to be with me, like that’s original
She says, please say yes, really
I said no, later loser
-Bryant Calero, classmate.

it hasn't hit me yet.

 

I fed exed my love so she could sign for my

Hearts crush, Hearts aches,

Hearts bleed. Hearts break.

Too much agony, too much pain.

Too much trauma. Too much came.

Too much to take. Too much has bled.

Permanent scars. Stained for life. Mustang Red.

It’s bare. It’s broken. It’s fallen. All apart.

No circulation. No beat. No pump. No heart.

Instead, a loop. A revolution. A coil. A ring

A circle, ongoing. Never ending. Forever lasting.

There’s no straight. There is no line.

No one’s gonna break it this time.

That’s fictitious, that’s fraudulent, that’s a lie.

Heart replacement, Circle good-bye.

It came. It saw. Didn’t see this one come.

It’s already done. It’s already dead. It’s already gone.

Destroyed, collapsed, crippled and crumbled.

Demolished, devoured, heart or circle, it’s shattered.

It was mine as it was yours. But it was more yours than ever mine.

Without notice. Without request. I gave my all. I gave my best.

One man’s trash was my treasure chest.

She knew. She misinterpreted. She misunderstood.

I succeeded. I accomplished. I achieved.

She failed. She neglected. She’s gone for good.

Bad luck.  Wrong timing. Her loss, yet my grieve.

Heart or circle. It’s crushed. It’s apart.

You call it what you want it. But

I fed exed my love so she could sign for my …

First Loves Part 1

First loves. It’s the hardest ones to leave.
It’s the longest time we’ll ever grieve,
It takes the longest time for it to leave.
Your mind can move on, but it’s the heart that stops you.
It’s playing you for a fool, whatever you do.
They will always be the number 1, the Boo.
The toxicity, filling up your heart. the blackness
Like cigs fill up the lungs, create a room of darkness
There’s nothing to fill this void. Just so heartless.
And now it’s driving you crazy.
You were thinking maybe, just maybe
That day will come where she’ll be your lady, she’ll be your baby.
But that once more isn’t likely, it’s more unlikely
And every time we try, it’s not to your liking.
It’s just fighting and crying.
It’s the weeping without the sleeping.
Or the make up love. No kisses. No hugs.
How did it come to this?

The first love huh. The first love.
It’s the answer you chose, the letter E. all the above.
And she says it’s over. It’s done. It’s enough.
You don’t want to give up, but you have to respect her choice.
No, forget that choice, it’s our choice.
You say your opinion, She’s gonna hear your voice.
This isn’t over. Just another bump in the road.
Just another problem that adds to the total workload
But that’s what we do. That’s who we are. This is the relationship code.

But what if it is done?
You have lost. She has won.
The end has begun.
The end of the first.
The end is the worst.
You can’t take it. But you must live it.
This is seriously some bullshit.
Your truth. Your baby love. Your boo.
Loving her is the game you’ll always lose.
You got the brown eyed blues.
You can’t stand this. You can’t live without her.
But it’s something you gotta do.

Ice like the Rocky Mountains.

you are the darkest angel, yet you are still an angel.
that smile is contagious, it is filled with poison.
yet i have fallen for it, like a trapped bird
one who has broken their wings for you. and there is no notice.
i have fallen off ledges, to try and conquer your mountain,
but you only see the top of that mountain.
i don't exist in your world, yet you are mine.
i'm just a viewer on a plane that looks down at world you live in.
somethin from afar, somethin that when you look up, you can't see.
yes. i am irrate, irregular, irritated yet invisible and irrelevant.

you are on the upper half of the lower half. which makes you
the best of the worst , the worst of the best.
but that doesn't matter to me. it never did.
you shot me down without giving me a chance.
blamed me for your bad luck, for something i didn't even do.
but you know, that's fine. because you need that fall guy
ill be that guy. because you'll never be that girl that's mine.
you ignore that i love you. so i'll ignore being in love with you.
it's eating me alive. and i can't stop it you know.
it's like termites eating the wood under the house.
you know it s there, yet you can't stop it. there's nothing i can do.
but there's something you won't do.

my heart is a desert. red. screamin. hot. on fire.
and you have the water. the ice. the cold. freeze.
everybody wants you. and i mean everybody.
and i . i don't even need you.
you're just there. there stuck in mind all day
and nothing i can say or do to change any of that.
don't you think i want you gone?
i want you gone
that way i won't have to dream no more.
that way i don't have nightmares no more.
it always ends the same way.
i fall. you rise.
you love. i die.

my Life.

The Love of My Life.

As the time passes, I am riding.

It is not my two door, four wheel, turbo charged tC.

But faster.

I am riding the two wheeler, the Raven, the Yamaha, the R6.

Plug in my iPod, jam some Kanye, Jay, Hans Zimmer, and Fourplay.

I’m jammin’, jammin’ down the Freeway.

I pass the cars and the trucks, one by one.

I pass the trees, the grass, the mountains, the oceans.

But I never pass the beloved Sun.

From the Bay to La, Sactown to Monterey. California here I am.

I am on the way to see my friends, I am on the way to see my family.

This is the journey, the journey that’ll never end.

This is my journey, the journey that I love.

My love, my life, your entertainment.

Love is supreme. And I am riding.