She continues talking, unnoticed of my sporadic behavior between my phone and her diamonds.
I read the text as I read it last night, with disbelief that she wanted to see me again,"I'm game."
Lost in the eyes or lost in the conversation, what she doesn't know is my advantage. Or is it?
Why she is here again when she knows what I am capable speaks volumes to the highest skies, yet the curiosity of why instead of will overturns the probability of anything occurring.
I've had her before or so I thought, and that only ended with her laughter and my tears.
But not today, not this time. This time is all of my cards on the table for her to call my bluff .
Does she see it, all that she has, in the palm of her hand. Right through me.
I will follow her wherever she leads me, to heaven or to hell. Through the clouds, in the thunderstorms, until the rainbows.
I could show her beaches and the beauty in love, but does she need a co-pilot or another pet
She smiles at me as if she knows exactly what I'm thinking,
I grin as if I am Hiding to prevent myself getting left on this island of loneliness again.
The feeling she makes me feel without her trying, as if she wants me to fly and fall into misery playing the what if game.
Sometimes I wonder if she knows but what's the point in wondering when there's no way I would be here if I wasn't interested.
The question is, why is she here, what is she trying to gain, especially if someone has already claimed her.
Is it because she wants a new lover or is it because she needs a new companion.
I should tell her I don't want friends, I need a lover.
Does she need a lover cause if she had one, she wouldn't be here.
If she doesn't offer to tell, I shouldn't ask.
Rule 32 screams otherwise.
What she does to me is beyond my understanding. Is this the true love so many have spoke of and engraved in their hearts.
Because the beauty in this attraction and this new peak beyond my heart blows my mind.
I said I wouldn't love ever again because the heart ache broke my heart in more pieces than anyone could Count.
But what if this is the one, the one I've been waiting for my whole life.
What if this is the one I tell our kids one day, if I didn't speak my heart, your mom and I wouldn't be here.
Do I risk the pain and agony, break my rules, just for a chance.
A chance because I had a feeling, a feeling that I don't know possibly to be mutual.
Is it not supposed to be a compromise between two people?
A sacrifice and a promise.
If people were to know, they would think I was crazy.
Like Jacob in twilight, Lucas in One Tree Hill, like Jack in Titanic.
You jump, I jump, I'm too involved now.
If I told my parents, they would think I was thinking irrationally outside the boxes box.
Is the normal activity really normal, or is it paranormal like that activity.
All of this feeling and assurance because of a couple conversations over coffee and tea is ...
Beyond anything anyone can fathom, crazy or normal, smart or uneducated, fantasy or realism.
She is still here, reaching for a rope, hoping I will pull her up.
So why does it feel like I'm on the bottom of this rope.
She doesn't say the exact words but her actions are interpreted as if she wants me to advance my heart.
Maybe I am over thinking her actions as she is only playing the game for her amusement, to keep her guessing, to keep her intrigued.
As a decoy and a distraction to her real lover, who doesn't seem to pay her the mind of day.
I've seen this before and she's played the card as the innocent.
Her beauty plays distractions to the broken,
Her attitude, her stature, her swag is a puzzle mind game awaiting its next victim.
I can't be just another player, another item, another game piece.
She needs me even if she doesn't want me,
But women never like being told what to do or who to choose.
I can read anyone's mind and heart, but hers is too guarded written in riddles like a trap door awaiting its next victim.
Tell me you want me or that you like me,
Tell me that you're interested or at least possibly thinking about it.
Or what are we doing here, her and I,
Speaking of past feeling, of past hearts desires.
Does she want to build me up just to break me down,
Curious to know if she still has me in the palm of her hand.
To think she likes me is killing me because I like her and there seems to be nothing but a wall to stop me.
A tease or a manipulative maneuver to take me off the market forever.
Ruin my every opinion of hers.
Is there even a point to the encounters, a meaning behind the glass feelings.
Whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger, but whatever doesn't make me, kills me.
But who am I to say anything.
I don't know anything at all.
Just that she's here and I am lost, lost in her eyes.
I never want this feeling to end, this moment to pass me by.
If only she knew of such feeling existed in me, would she commit.
I smile with this sense of happiness like something is actually going on, like something is actually here.
I continue to ask why when I shouldn't because she is here tonight, she has already decided to be here with me. Not there. No coincidence.
She gives me a deep, passionate hug, more than friends can feel and whispers,
"You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards..."
Why me.
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