A Man to Do

What is a Man to do.
When the world, in his mind, isn't right.
What is a man to do when everything adds up to be in-balanced.
What is a man to do.

Some say we live every day of every week as one,
One step at a time, one second of every minute.
Others claim we live by every other day,
Every other week, only doing what is necessary.

If someone told you, your live, your soul
Had one day to live. How would it look.
Are you someone who lived fully, to the limit?
Did you reach your highest peak after stumbling,
To your lowest Depth.
Or did you follow? Doing only what was necessary,
to keep others satisfied.

If you had one day to live,
would you apologize for all the wrongs.
Or would you accomplish one last list of buckets.
Is there somoene you always wanted to love,
or would you spend it with somoene who loves you.

What is a man to do when there is no more,
No more chances to take.
Every opportunity passed because he was too nice,
too genuine, to selfless.
Not for the better of himself or the unnecessary,
But becausae that was who he was.


What if I told you this man dreamed a dream,
Filled with desires and goals,
Yet he only visualized them in his head.
What if I told you he spent every minute
with somoene who loved him,
Yet there was always someone else he loved.

What If I told you this man,
was too afraid to hurt someone else's feelings,
He instead, decided to withhold his emotions.
Not for the better of them,
Not for the worse of him,
But because it was the right thing to do.

What if I told you every morning this man,
woke up with a burden so deep,
He always woke up in the ground.
Every Morning he woke up next to
Nobody he ever wanted.

What is a man to do if he had one day left,
One day left to live.
If he had a thousand things dreamed,
and not one thing completed or true.
What would he do
What would he say?

He said, "Are you living your life... Or are you living your dream."

I thought High school was over.

I stand here with tears down my face,
Thoughts cross my mind, And emotions pouring of my heart.
Every single time I let someone in, Another person walks out.
I told myself I was beautiful in every different kind of way.
Individuals are all attractive in some way beyond the physical.
I told myself I was good enough for anyone, and if that one person ever had the chance, I would give it my all.
The one that matters deserves my best, anything less will crumble.
I told myself, Social Media can be in your life, but never let my life be Social Media.
The moment you stress over one topic, one post, one picture, it will all come down.
I told myself, feelings are only feelings that other people felt. They are beyond my control. You wouldn't want someone who liked someone else, so why would you force something.
I told myself, Everyone is different; Rich, Poor, Funny, Dull, Stupid, Intelligent, Bright, Dark, disturbed, Friendly, Mean. Accept it.
I told myself, there are those who are lead, others who follow, and some who support.
Never hate on anyone because they're mindless.
I told myself, we each have our own goals and our own dreams.
We all do things for reasons beyond anyone's understanding.
I told myself, Never question the feeling people feel,
If they are here beside me, it's because they want to be.

I told myself not to fondle over the little things,
You know, those things I am not in control of.
The little things that eat away at people,
Like termites under a house, chopping.
It's one of those things where you have to look beyond the small things
And look at the bigger picture.
Why stress over little things that are out of your control,
Things you have the inability to change.
We all do things for certain reasons,
Whether we were raised, or we were taught,
It's our job to do what we do,
It's nobody else's responsibility to understand why.
I told myself not to stress over the little things
Because it has no help whatsoever.
I told myself, everything that happens happens for a reason.
Whether we accept it or ponder it,
It has no use by us thinking all about it.
There will always be disagreements, differences, and dilemmas,
And it's up to us to decide what is important and what is miniscule.
It is up to us to be mature, realizing what matters and what doesn't.
It is up to us to accept what has been earned and what has been taken.
It is up to us, to move beyond the immature stages of life.
I told myself in the end, I won't let these small things kill me.
But I don't understand, why are you?

Belief

I believe.

When you believe in something, you use every second, every minute, and every hour hoping to fulfill the very one thing that can make you, or destroy you. The one thing only you know and you'll understand, no matter how many doubters doubt you. No matter how many people tell you; you won't, you mustn't, you can't. Prove them how misled they are.

Some will laugh at you, others will shun you away. Some will deny you, others will push you out. There will always be somebody better, there will always be somebody worse. Remember, you are here because you chose to be. You are here because you believe.

Accept your decision, comprehend your choice. Never let someone else's feeling cloud your very own judgement. There is no room for hate, there is no room for doubt.  Everything you Want and everything you need, is only up to you.

When you believe, There is no room for ifs and buts, only will and power. Beyond your mind is your action, your word, the very fuel to the fire which gives you strength.  The harder you strive, the better the result. Always put down what you are willing to gain. Never focus on the losses, only the victories that keep moving you. Only forward, never backwards; life is too short to watch the replay.

Remember, if you put in your best, you can never receive your worst. In the end, It is Never about the end. It is living the journey, learning the mistakes. Things dont always work out how you planned. But be at peace knowing you gave it your best, your finest. Your all. Whole-heatedly. No regrets.

Never Good

It is what It is,
Nothing more, nothing less.
I've been down this road before.
Maybe not with you, maybe not for you.
But by golly, I have been down this road.
If you think by me being down this road before,
stops me from trespassing these broken walls.
You're wrong.
You think I don't know what you don't think I know,
Whatever it is, I know.
Whatever you think, I believe.
And whatever you want, I give.

Every person is different, and every person tells you their different.
But that's not really up to them to decide,
Who's different, who's not.
Individually, we are all different.
But together, we all whole.
You think this world can have 7 billion people,
and not one single duplicate.
One thought, one factor, one mind.
You think because you do something one way,
That makes you different.
No, the things that you do different are being done exactly the same.
You just don't know about it,

I would've went Heaven and Earth to make sure you were happy.
You brush me off with just one sweep.
Every little mistake I made, was magnified.
Every little doubt, was exclamated.
Every little feeling, a lie.
You think you feel what you never felt before,
But those look in your eyes tell me your lying.
The words you never said are the words I know the truth.
It doesn't take a mind genius to know, it's wrong.

Nobody likes to take the blame, so allow me to be the fall.
You want to tell me these lies of feeling, of emotions, of happiness.
It was I who was not able to satisfy your every need.
I was a want, no a need.
A necessary commodity, an unreliable source.
It was me who was wrong for you.
Because like before, they are never wrong for me.
It is my fault I am never good enough.

In the end, nothing has changed.
The script, as once before, written a thousand times.
Like a copy, a duplicate love story.
Same main character, different supporting cast.
It does not take someone who does not love,
A big Fuck You sign, to tell me I'm not enough.
You did not have to lead me to believe,
that I was the Right, or the Perfect.
A thousand stories have been written under the circle,
A thousand stories return empty and broken.
How do I believe your different when you follow the book.

If we could change the world together, I would in a heart beat.
You know I would.
But you want to change the world with someone else.
After all the things we have been through, you finally got it through my head.
I was never the one you wanted, only a stepping stone.
Like Swiss Beats and Jay Z, it's On to the Next one.

You think I'd be good at Good Byes since I've seen so many.
With every entrance comes an exit, and It is definitely my time.
It's okay, you don't need an excuse or a lame fight to tell me,
You don't want me.
You don't have to tell me you're scared to move forward,
As it's only a reason to leave me behind.
You can't move forward when you're stuck on someone else.
Just like you can't move on when you're heart is with them.
The only thing You want me to do is move over.

You don't need to ask,
I won't believe anything else.
The only thing I ever wanted was you to be happy.
And with that, it is clear to me that I failed.
So go on love, take what you can these days.
I'm sorry, I was never enough.

A little Late neverr hurts January!

Last months Thoughts of January 2012

Time flies faster with every year that you grow.
Fantasy NBA is kind of Effed because of the shortened season.
Fantasy NBA is effed cause I drafted Brooke Lopez and he's injured.
Vernon Davis was a beast against the Saints and Giants.
49ers back their entire team up.
School is back in session.
Girls are still Girls.

Music of the Month:

Tim Mcgraw's new album.
Motto. Drake and Weezy.
Breaks my Heart. Monica.
Make me Proud. Drake ft Nicki Minaj!

Tweets/Quotes of the month

"The older I get the more I have to leave behind, that's life."
"Come here, come here you little shit."
"You're Always so negative, 'she said."
"Never say I can, it only leaves doubt. Always say I believe, then there's only room for success."
"You can't change everything in one night, but one night can change everything."
"So I sit here divided, talking to myself. Was it something I did, was there somebody else."

Rule of the Month

#12 Never take anything for granted. Bitch!

Goals of the Month:

__ Stay ahead of the game.

__ Study for the GMAT

__ Find a job.

__ Make the ones close, happy =]

I never wanna wake up.

Tonight, the bath tub had a seat occupied for only one.
The circle feels up only to roll down from my cheek,
Just as the water washes away all from sin.
With only one thought on thy face, I am reminded of what was once mine for the taking.
You've been on my mind.

Whatever is written in the history books, whatever happened once before,
Is not a living field of sorrow and grief,
Only a mere of attitude and belief,
The reaction to the action, the reminder of thy instinct.
I grow fonder everyday.

The water becomes colder,
The river becomes smoother,
And the rain has stopped its whining.
Because actions sometimes don't speak at all.
Just like something's are never what they seem
 I lose myself In time just thinking of your face.

A Ghost whisper discreetly disguised as yours fills my soul like a simple melody.
The injured is healed by just one look of beauty and perfection.
God only knows why it's taken me so long to let my doubts go.
You're the only one that I want.

Troubled and confused,
Afraid to mess this one up
As I once did before
Poisons my every action, my every feeling.
I don't know why I'm scared, I've been hear before.
Every feeling every word, I've imagined it all.

Empty thoughts of only one,
Entire life had put into one highway,
You can't move backwards, only move forward like the constant movement of time.
And Every time it comes down to it, I only see your face.
I'll never know if I never try,
To forgive the  past and simply be mine.

I move forward, driving countless miles to unknown destinations
Only to think about all the stupidity I have jeopardized
All the wrong things you  made right
Except the only one to blame Is standing in the mirror.
I dare you to let me be,
Your one and only

One simple mistake, Is all it takes
To lose the one I care about, the girl I've always known.
To be on the brink of destruction,
Is just as it is to be on the line of success.
Like two free throws with the team down by one with time at nil.
Needed to prove your value to the team,
I promise I'm worth it to hold in your arms.

There's much I wanna say, yet there's only so many chances.
To prove i am the one who can walk that mile, until the end starts

Only suckas can kill a tank in one night,
Only I will live in regret
As only I will be the one who truly knows how I feel
If the chances of coincidence could speak , they spoke pretty loudly into my ears.

This isn't a dream and this isn't a mistake.
If I could prove to you how I feel, I wouldn't be here .
I don't know much. But I do know,
I really like what you've done to me, I can't really explain it, I'm just So into you.
And I'll always remember,
You couldve been anywhere in the world right then, but you decided to be there with me,
No coincidence, it was meant to be.

Only suckas can kill a tank in one night.
Only I live without
Shell.

aH shyEt

The purpose is upon your own discretion,

Use at your own risk, a warning to anyone who crosses this path

We look towards the future but somehow return to the past.

Life is a moment and we all let it pass by,

Hoping to better our lives, increase our fortunes.

But what is standing in front of us is the limitless amount of fuel,

To keep us striving for decades if our bones didn't deteriorate.

Unlike un-living materialistic matters which depreciate,

Not the matter of what, but to the matter of who, we appreciate.

We search our whole lives looking for the purpose, the meaning,

Stars, planets, the sky, 

Things which are out of reach to most of us,

Not because we don't want it or we long for it,

It's more like entertainment.

Cinemas, romantic novels, love stories,

Imagery drawn to mislead us to the perfect life,

The desires, the riches, the best any body could ask for,

We see characteristics and attributes contribute to fantasy,

Lives we could have yet fall short of such treasures,

It isn' a matter of what, but to the matter of who, we appreciate.

We can live our whole lives searching for such a few, the proud.

"You don't know what you got til it's gone,"

She says,

But in reality, "You can't have what you never had."

It isn't gone unless you let it be gone.

Simplicity, the key to all great things.

Why define a meaning with sentences if a word will suffice,

The synonyms usually last one word long, never too deep.

Life isn't about what you're doing as to what you're striving for.

It isn't about the people you want in your life,

It's about the people in your life.

The greatest people are great not because of what they have,

It's what they do with what they have,

And how hard you work with it.

It isn't a matter of what, but to the matter of who, we appreciate.

Simplicity, Inner Circle, Family.

You stick to your guns, you stick with what's constant, 

The ones who were there since the beginning, the ones who helped you pull through.

Not only in the matter of good times but to the ones who overcame the bad.

Life's hardship isn't a measure of your abilities and your accomplishments,

It is how you prevailed, worked, and strived to overcome the dangers.

The dangers of improbable, poisonous, obstacles who dare challenge your strength.

Your demeanor, Your rules, You.

We search our whole lives for meaning of life,  the purpose and the drive.

Yet the things we need in life are right in front of us.

Nothing is ever perfect, nor is it ever what we expect it to be.

But nobody asked us what we wanted, nobody cares on how far we go.

Only to the few that matter.

To us, It's about what we work for, what we work at, and how far we are willing to chase our dreams.

Everyone struggles, at some point in time, some point in life,

Everyone struggles.  Some more than others, yes.

But it's how we overcome these obstacles that build our character.

We don't live in contentment of ourselves, but to those matter.

Success was never meant to be with a dollar sign,

Success is who you have with you at the end of the day, everyday.

A few good men, a few good women,

Simplicity of fortune, a wrath of good people.

We search our lives for the one thing we enjoy, never realizing it's mostly because of who we enjoy it with.

People are replaceable, yet never in a million years can you take my best friend from me.

The more you go through, the stronger you become, the adverse you will be.

The more you both go through, the more unbreakable the bond.

If there is one thing you fight for, they are it. 

To the death, to my dying day. 

You don't let the petty things break you apart, tear you away.

Character, understanding, entertainment, and selfishness.

The true meaning of importance, dedication, and heroism.

How many days can you go without the best people in your life.

Not the matter of what, but to the matter of who, we appreciate

Just remember, irreplaceable character.

A Toast to Britt

If I could have everyone's attention for one minute, this will just take a second.
You don't know me but I'm the long-lost, adopted, son and brother to the Christians.
I'm asian, yes I know...No not stolen from Korea. I'm Chinese.
Although two years ago in Korea was where my sisters and I encountered the Christians, it seems like forever ago.
I think it was the bus ride from the airport, where Britt took a picture of me...Sleeping.
Yeah, creepy, I know!
And for some odd reason for my birthday, I came to Utah to celebrate Shaun's birthday.
It was here, that I met the warm-welcoming, loving, and caring Christian family.
Something I will forever remember.

What is family?
Some will say blood related people are family.
Others will say Friends, Pets, Communities make up the families we lack.
As one of my great heroes, Patrick Willis has said,
"Family is people who love you as much as you love them."
It's not the matter of the shared last name, or the same beliefs and hobbies.
Family is the description of people we will forever hold in our hearts,
Who will be there down the road in our memories, our moments,
Through the good and the bad.
You just know, it's family.
When the doors close out the world, family are the ones who will walk in.
It doesn't matter if we are blood related or only friends.
There is always room for family.

Weddings are always interesting, especially in the beginning.
When you first enter the church, you're supposed to pick a side.
Bride or groom, and you're supposed to sit on the correct side.
But I think I got it down. It's an understanding statement.
We have already accepted one of these two individuals into our family and into our lives.
Some of us are here because of the Bride, Brittney Christian.
Some of us are here because of the Groom, Brian Olsen.
I hope none of us are here for the free food...=]
Tonight, is a memory, living history, and historic night,
Of two individuals coming together forever as One.
Even though the day begins with us separated by Groom or Bride,
The night ends with both families, both friends and acquaintances,
Together, as one.
Now it is time to accept these two individuals both, into our families.
Whether we are a Christian or an Olsen,
We are here to share the bond, the love, and the forever matrimony between two people. Not one.

Let us raise our glasses in toast,
Not to the bride or the groom,
But to the forever, Bride and the Groom.
Who we welcome into our family, with open arms.
Brittney and Brian Olsen!



__________________________________________________________________________________

The one that got away.

The One that Got away


I've been driving for miles, listening to the slow jams we once played.
There was never a destination before so why have one now.
Jam after jam, lyric after lyric, nothing but love.
A feeling, an emotion, a distant memory.
Faint, but alive. Historic, but remembered.
Every time I shifted, you stole from my knob the only thing she could hold.
Your warm, soft gentle, hand, interlocked in mine.
And after my fourth lesson or so, I began shifting with my left hand.
The longer the trip went, the more songs we heard.
The further we traveled, the more comfortable you got.
You took off your shoes, covered yourself with your blanket,
And laid back on your pillow.

For the first time since being a child there wasn't a care in the world.
The phones were on silent, the jobs never worked at night,
And the cars on the road were minimal to the capacity.
No bills, no drama. No strings, no complications.
Just you, the music, and the road.
We could've drove until forever if no one mattered.
If families didn't care about us, if people never depended on us.
But only for a brief moment in time can we have what we want.
You had a train to catch,
I had a duty to attend to.
Because reality overcomes any fantasy we live.

Your beauty, your eyes, your smile.
Purified like an angel, perfected beauty and grace.
Girls have always come and gone, but no one was as right.
Like Cinderella's missing slipper, everything just fit.
Just the way I liked, Just the way you are.
There wasn't an imperfect part about you,
You mastered everything perfectly.

But now you're gone.
Because of another guy,
Because you moved away,
Because friends got in the way,
And life stood taller.
Because I didn't pursue you as I should've.
Things always find a way of falling into place,
Yet when the time came, I never spoke up.
Nor did I express everything I wanted to say.

It's you.
It's always been you.
You're the one that I want.
You're the only one that I want.
Whether you care to tango or not,
If you read this or don't. It's only you.

There is never a day that goes by you don't cross my mind.
There is only a memory which you were next to me.
A selfless pain to endure while you move on happily,
Because sacrifice is bigger than what we were.
I look at my phone waiting for your text, your call.
Hoping of such possibility even still existing.
Every night I think about picking you up, even if it is brief.
To cruise the star-lit, nightly skies.
I grow faint and weak every time I pass your neighborhood.
And every time I reach for the knob, I look to my passenger seat,
Wishing you would grab my hand, hold my arm, and kiss my cheek.
We could drive forever, you and I.
To wherever you desired,
To whatever you pleasured,
We should drive forever,
Whichever direction you choose,
However long it takes,
We would drive until the end of time.
The one that got away.

Remember me part 2

We will Remember Part 2

A toast to the 7 B. of people,
The millions of sightings,
The Thousands of acquaintances,
The hundreds we have touched
The many we have known,
And the few we love.

You might not know of who I am,
But I know you exist.
Whether we have intervened or unqualified,
There is a strong presence of your character inside of me.
It never matters about the status or the money,
Nor the physicality in your stature,
Or clothing which hides your suit.

I don't know how you think, or your habits you love yet hate.
Your friends, your family, your pets.
Your weaknesses, your poor decisions,
Your body, your soul,
Your choices, your Facebook Page.
Or your most deepest crushes.

But deep down, there is a heart.
A inner part of your body that exists beyond physicality.
Forgiveness, Compassion, Humanitarian, and Understanding.
A part of your body called Love.
It may be hidden, it may be unused,
But I know that it is there.

Everyone is born an original,
Yet, everyone is born with love.
We are afraid to admit our sacredness
Because we are scared of being vulnerable.
You don't have to explain it to me,
I understand.

A toast to you and yours truly.
Your family, your friends, your life.
We celebrate you and your character,
Your life and your accomplishments.
Whether we see your true character of commitment,
I will remember you.

We will Remember Part I

Every day is a new day,
Sometimes the same, sometimes different,
Imitated, never duplicated,
Planned or Unplanned,
Spontaneous and Sporadic with Excitement in Ecstasy,
The 24 hours will carry on.

The music will play,
In our hearts, in our heads.
A symphony of sound,
Surrounds the suburban sun striking down,
On smiles and shuttered eyes,
Countless instruments with only
12 definitive notes.
Coming together to play a melody.

Laughter lulls our hearts together,
Whether we are strangers, acquaintances
Men, Women, Children, Pets.
Your friends, our family.
Our friends, your family.
We could've been anywhere in the world,
But we decided to be here.

There is a discussion prior to the events of time,
But there is no description deciding how defined the dedication is.
The end result will only be known after the end has come,
As we can only put together a puzzle after creating the picture.
Whatever we have planned has led up to this time,
This moment, this capsule, this memory.

Living history, History in the making,
As the actions of our bodies create the scenery of our eyes,
The thoughts in our minds, and sounds in our ears.
Recording with unlimited tape, the audio and video is being recorded,
Dated, and Archived.

Remembrance, Memory,
Unscripted.
No script could write such a story,
No story could write such a script.
Whatever happened, happened for a reason.
And whichever way we go from here, this will be left.
In our minds, In our souls.
From now until our dying day,
Until the end of time.
We will remember...

TBC

to Care be ful

To care  is to care passionately, unconditionally, and indefinitely
Until further noticed of destruction, disruption, or declination of feeling.
To care isn't a feeling who's mood is easily changed between good and evil,
But the sense that nothing drastically changes between the independent or dependent clauses
A permanent kind of causation in-essence, where the knowledge is an undoubted gesture .
We don't want someone to care just because we want them to,
Or else it would be only a care because of our want, not theirs
We genuinely want an individual to care because they want to care,
Because they want to share and compare,
The similarities, the differences, the memories.
The disasters, the tragedies, the storms.
To care is to be committed, regardless of the circumstance or the outcome, status, class
To care is to dependently independesize on the decisions and choices individuals other than yourself decide,
Not for the better of your life or happiness, but for their influence of yours.
A reciprocation of emotion and feeling, communion between persons coming together as a committed community because of commonalities comparing and contrasting contractions and contentions.
To care is to be involved and infected on any decision or indecision,
Like love, caring has its dangers of being hurt and used,
But it also has its enjoyment and moments to live for.
Like love, we can't control our level of caring, only know that we care.
How we care and what we care for is just as important as to who,
But who, always has the chance on ruining or destroying your dignity and character.
Never be fooled to care too much and receive too little.
Caring, like friendship, is a two way sacrificed, committed, compromised road.
Care for me and I'll care for you,
Just don't step on my toes.

why Me.

 

I am speechless and shell shocked, lost in her eyes as the future unravels of what could be possibly what should be.

She continues talking, unnoticed of my sporadic behavior between my phone and her diamonds.

I read the text as I read it last night, with disbelief that she wanted to see me again,"I'm game."

Lost in the eyes or lost in the conversation, what she doesn't know is my advantage. Or is it?

Why she is here again when she knows what I am capable speaks volumes to the highest skies, yet the curiosity of why instead of will overturns the probability of anything occurring.

I've had her before or so I thought, and that only ended with her laughter and my tears.

But not today, not this time. This time is all of my cards on the table for her to call my bluff .

Does she see it, all that she has, in the palm of her hand. Right through me.

I will follow her wherever she leads me, to heaven or to hell. Through the clouds, in the thunderstorms, until the rainbows.

I could show her beaches and the beauty in love, but does she need a co-pilot or another pet

She smiles at me as if she knows exactly what I'm thinking,

I grin as if I am Hiding to prevent myself getting left on this island of loneliness again.

The feeling she makes me feel without her trying, as if she wants me to fly and fall into misery playing the what if game.

Sometimes I wonder if she knows but what's the point in wondering when there's no way I would be here if I wasn't interested.

The question is, why is she here, what is she trying to gain, especially if someone has already claimed her.

Is it because she wants a new lover or is it because she needs a new companion.

I should tell her I don't want friends, I need a lover.

Does she need a lover cause if she had one, she wouldn't be here.

If she doesn't offer to tell, I shouldn't ask.

Rule 32 screams otherwise.

What she does to me is beyond my understanding. Is this the true love so many have spoke of and engraved in their hearts.

Because the beauty in this attraction and this new peak beyond my heart blows my mind.

I said I wouldn't love ever again because the heart ache broke my heart in more pieces than anyone could Count.

But what if this is the one, the one I've been waiting for my whole life.

What if this is the one I tell our kids one day, if I didn't speak my heart, your mom and I wouldn't be here.

Do I risk the pain and agony, break my rules, just for a chance.

A chance because I had a feeling, a feeling that I don't know possibly to be mutual.

Is it not supposed to be a compromise between two people?

A sacrifice and a promise.

If people were to know, they would think I was crazy.

Like Jacob in twilight, Lucas in One Tree Hill, like Jack in Titanic.

You jump, I jump, I'm too involved now.

If I told my parents, they would think I was thinking irrationally outside the boxes box.

Is the normal activity really normal, or is it paranormal like that activity.

All of this feeling and assurance because of a couple conversations over coffee and tea is ...

Beyond anything anyone can fathom, crazy or normal, smart or uneducated, fantasy or realism.

She is still here, reaching for a rope, hoping I will pull her up.

So why does it feel like I'm on the bottom of this rope.

She doesn't say the exact words but her actions are interpreted as if she wants me to advance my heart.

Maybe I am over thinking her actions as she is only playing the game for her amusement, to keep her guessing, to keep her intrigued.

As a decoy and a distraction to her real lover, who doesn't seem to pay her the mind of day.

I've seen this before and she's played the card as the innocent.

Her beauty plays distractions to the broken,

Her attitude, her stature, her swag is a puzzle mind game awaiting its next victim.

I can't be just another player, another item, another game piece.

She needs me even if she doesn't want me,

But women never like being told what to do or who to choose.

I can read anyone's mind and heart, but hers is too guarded written in riddles like a trap door awaiting its next victim.

Tell me you want me or that you like me,

Tell me that you're interested or at least possibly thinking about it.

Or what are we doing here, her and I,

Speaking of past feeling, of past hearts desires.

Does she want to build me up just to break me down,

Curious to know if she still has me in the palm of her hand.

To think she likes me is killing me because I like her and there seems to be nothing but a wall to stop me.

A tease or a manipulative maneuver to take me off the market forever.

Ruin my every opinion of hers.

Is there even a point to the encounters, a meaning behind the glass feelings.

Whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger, but whatever doesn't make me, kills me.

But who am I to say anything.

I don't know anything at all.

Just that she's here and I am lost, lost in her eyes.

I never want this feeling to end, this moment to pass me by.

If only she knew of such feeling existed in me, would she commit.

I smile with this sense of happiness like something is actually going on, like something is actually here.

I continue to ask why when I shouldn't because she is here tonight, she has already decided to be here with me. Not there. No coincidence.

She gives me a deep, passionate hug, more than friends can feel and whispers,

"You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards..."

Why me.

She's Gone.

The distance she walks, the further away she becomes from the true meaning she has longed for. Days pass by like leaves flowing in the river downstream uptown. As spring sets in the city's glamorous evening incandescence, there is no Bright Lights shining tonight. Instead a yearning voice whispering a desperate cry for more then previous assistance in the past. Her patience is running out of the track like the tape runs out of a DVD. A romantic novelty is overtaken by the tragedy from uncontrollable, undeniable, misfortune circumstantial fixation.

The shadows enlargement overpowers her heart as colors venously slither away from her soul. 67 pieces erroneously fitted faced like a puzzles worst nightmare murmurs, 'The pieces don't fit here anymore.' Pain isn't premeditated, it's prescribed. What more can she do, because there's nothing left to say. She can't repair something she didn't break, nor can she replace what she never had. Tomorrow isn't a new day, it's a repeat of what happened yesterday. It's the feeling from the first day. She'll walk until the end of days searching for meaning while everyone searches for her. What they don't know is, She can't be found if she was never lost.

Step On my Toes. I double dare you.

Take a hard, long thought at what you've done.
Think about the lives you've effected.
The ones you disengaged, the ones you ruined.
Take a look of the villain standing in the mirror.
Do you like what you've become.
Lies you've spread through your teeth,
The deceit you filled by the look of your evil eyes.

There isn't any remorse in your heart.
There is only blackness.
Filled with fraudulent fabrication,
misrepresentation to the tall tale.
Misleading to the misguided.

Manipulate to the melancholy man
Undermine his specialty.

It doesn't give you power, only some sick fluctuated infatuation,
A disturbing self-satisfaction.
Stealing from a homeless man,
Taking advantage of an impaired,
Leading a lover to death.
Fools gold fooled fluted fools.
If only I said it before,
Step on my toes and I will step on your face.

Exaggerate your character as you do.
And I will rip your roots.
Destroy your mind, decimate your soul.
Life isn't a game, and People are not at your disposal.
The only one disposable is the one standing in the mirror.
Feed on your forgery fable,
Fabricate the falseness of your fictitious fib,
But don't ever again, cross my path.
Do it, one more time, I dare you.
Step on my toes, and I will stomp your face.

all of Me.

There are a lot of things you don't know about me.

What you see, is what you get.  Nothing more, nothing less.

I don't wear the most make up like the models you like,

So expect anything but a model face.

My butt is not the biggest, my boobs are not as big as hers.

I laugh a lot, I cry too little.

Emotional, yet independent.

Dependent on sentimental.

I won't be as cute as you search and I can't be everything you want.

I like attention when you least expect it,

I let shopping get the best of me.

I'll drag you to intolerable events and obligated family parties.

There will be times you'll feel uncomfortable,

But I promise to never leave you out.

As you can tell, I'm not the prettiest girl in the park.

Nor am I the most talented or skilled of the bunch.

I have tattoos your parents won't like, and I have an attitude you'll find so discouraging.

I dance like nobody is watching, I act like nobody will care.

I am not depressed of being alone, 

Yet I am compressed of romantic affection.

If she ain't going to treat you right than I ain't ever gonna treat you wrong.

Our differences are more that it should break us, Yet it will only touch us if you let it.

I can't try to be everything you want, But I will do my best to be everything that you need.

I will be your biggest fan, through thick and thin with the largest smile, cheek to cheek.

Support you when you are down and lost, even if I don't have a GPS to get us out.

Cherish the good and the ugly. no matter how hard it seems.

I've been stepped on, pushed around, used, abused, and broken,

So I don't expect you to fix me or the 67 other things that are wrong.

Just know that you're the brightest part of my day.
And everything else just goes away.

I can't explain to you how I feel in words,

All I know is that I feel them when I am with you.
Only you.

I just hope I am enough for you,

Because all I can offer is me.
All of Me.

If you ruled the world

If you ruled the world, there would be no world.
If the things you wanted in life were given,
There would be no meanings in life.
The right time to act is never wrong liven'
Happiness is a state of mind, not the state of item.
Silence is a poisonous action,
Yet necessary in difficult times.
Words unspoken are people awaiting the confession.
Expectations are disappointments waiting to destroy us.
Dreams are the one thing that drives us.
We live for love, the pursuit of happiness,
But you forgot to read the fine print, It says 'Money strongly correlates.'
The people in our lives are the ones we love,
Everyone else is a stranger who comes and goes.
One conductor is a faint reminiscence of the wind blows.
Musicians of disjointed notes are a traffic jam lined fashion.
While an orchestra's symphony moves mountains.
Why settle the world as a follower, when you can be the trend.
To be stubborn is to be blind.
Only one person is on your thoughts mind.
Doubt the cause, lose the opportunity,
Struggle with your life, struggle to find immunity.
Life is the reflection of your success.
What you don't have is what you didn't work for.
Always working is always fighting for nothing less.
Anything less is everything you choose to ignore.
The person you like doesn't like you as much,
They probably don't even like you at all.
But the one you love, loves you more than you think.
All good things never last, Most just want to be be friends.
Find the ones who are more. All great things never end.
Are we suppose to brake our lives when that one special spoken
Becoming hypocrites as rules are meant to be broken.
We all struggle but we only hear about success.
Never hear anything about average, only stories of the best.

Rolling in the Deep.

Do you remember being in love.
Everything you ever wanted in the palm of your hand.
The thing you searched high and low for.
Despite the multiple heart breaks and heart-aches.
With one night stands and little flings nothing but history.
Do you remember the time where there was something to look forward to.
The one hour trips just to see their face,
Surprise visits just to make their day better.
Middle of the night phone calls just to hear their voice,
even though you had work in the morning.
The Smile. The laughs. The moments.
Multiple meals, Breakfast, lunch and Dinner.
Can’t forget the special trips to restaurants just for Dessert.
You brought around your place, your friends, your family.
The parents loved them just as much as you did.
Remember the movies, the drives, the spots.
The mini-vacations that were a couple hours away that lasted a weekend.
And then there was a promotion to
The vacations with relatives that lasted weeks.
Can’t forget Thanksgivings where the debate was your family or theirs.
Same thing with Christmas..
What to get them for Christmas was always the hard one.
The experience, the emotion, the bond.
Everything you led had a follower.
Everything they led, you followed.
Experiencing new things because it interested them, unexpected.
Support, acknowledgement, incorruptible.
The fact of missing somebody other than your family and best friend.
The feeling of being loved.
Your life, completed by one simple word.
Everything, for that time and place, fit.
The better half of you.
Do you remember being in love?

Because I don’t.

This Night is Sparklin, Don't you let It go.

Beyond a moment is an emotion captured entirely through ones heart like a video camera records a video of ones heart. A feeling of unspoken characteristics in your inner self felt before yet different in aspects you simply can’t explain.  History has replayed similar videos in your mind but nothing quite like this can be remembered as so Enchanting.  From that rare moment, a thought, a picture, a tune reminds you of the exact feeling you don’t want to go away, diminish or end.  And every time a flash of history enters your mind, you can’t help but cheese because it feels like Christmas all over again.  Hoping that history is not in repeat of younger days, you sit to think, you sit to wait.  Life is a masterpiece structure built by your own mind and hands, yet special others will share their own building blocks to contribute with your life architectural project piece.  The blueprints are made in your mind yet drafts often become mute when the possibility of someone special walking into your heart.

Nothing can prepare you or plan you for such a dominant, off-guarded entrance.    Yet the feeling that you feel has some charisma and relevance of mutual satisfaction and glory. The curiosity in character and beauty intrigues the uniqueness and fine composition of nothing less than a compatible counterpart.   [I know we here together, so it must be something special.  You could be anywhere you wanted, but you decided to be here with me. No coincidence it was meant to be.]  You don’t want to get your hopes up in fear of the bigger in disappointment.  But how can this emotion, this endeavor, be in your mind and in your heart, without warning or prior knowledge.  When two worlds come together, it can be the most random, craziest story ever imagined but there comes a time when things in Hollywood actually come true.  No script, no book, no story, can simplify such an emotion where someone’s presence takes you, your breath, and your smile away to further heights never memorized nor available.  These kinds of things don’t come around as often as you think, nor do they come when you ask of them to.   You constantly pinch yourself, wondering if you are dreaming in bed because things are too good to be true.  And after you realize that the dream you have been living is your reality, you become speechless, awestruck, and enchanted.


You become afraid of the thought of being disappointing and nothing interesting to the wants and needs they standardize.   Please don’t be in love with someone else, please don’t have somebody waiting on you whispers between your ears as if it’s just built you up to bring you down.  But you’ve come too far now, it’s either time to return back the way you came, or jump and take that leap of faith.  Although two worlds may be too far, too far apart, you question if patience for the opportune, gracious moment, is wrong or right.  You’re too shy to ask, but too proud to lose.   If actions each have its consequences, then leaving without a consequence is a pity and a defeated disappointment.  Good conscious or bad conscious, what one do you choose in such an important, impacting, inquisition that has the infinite possibility of happiness.  Things can’t be how they seem, or can they.  Friends say, ‘why do you do this for,’ when they should be living knowing, ‘Why not.’ There is nothing else that you wanna say because by now they can tell you want it more than anything.  If you walk away and just let them leave, they'll be stuck in your head like a melody. 

The craziest things we do for the dumbest reasons might not be all that dumb if the things we do come straight from the inner part of our hearts.  Musicians and songwriters create melodies and songs with words of importance, attitude, and truth.   Music equals love equals life. When you listen to thousands of songs that are good, try listening to a good song that speaks your emotion, and you’ll realize it’s simply … speechless.  If our souls composed a tune, our hearts composed a melody, and our eyes sang some words, it would sound a little bit like this.

This was the very first page, not where the story ends.
My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again.
These are the words I held back, as I was leaving too song.
All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you.

Don’t you let it go.

Every Now and Then

Every now and then we think about our life and where it's come to.

We think of the recent past and the overall history of our life.

What could we have changed, would we have changed, any of it?

Or are we content, realizing that what we have now is beyond what we could ever dreamed of.

The best things in life comes as surprises,

The good fall apart so better things can fall together,

Or do they?

Every now and then, we do something rash, something unexpected.

A new feeling, a learning experience

Sometimes, Unheard of or unrealistic.

We jump out of planes,

We hike the highest mountains.

We buy things beyond our budget,

We drink more than our liver can survive,

Yet we are still here.

The moment of unknowing.
Is it that adrenaline rush?

Where the heart has never beat so fast.

Or are we more mentally dangerous, we think about risking our feeling, our emotion.

We take the chance at something we never imagined we would obtain,

We fight for something we want, we chance everything for need.

Is it because it's rare to occur,

Or do we fight our gut, and believe for once, this will work.

And when we take this chance at explaining things we yet have no words for,

Our hearts are pumping faster than ever.

We might not take many chances at all in life, but then again.

All it takes is one.

Just one and our hearts beat faster than it ever has.

Goals and achievements aren’t about IF, they should be about WHEN.

Whether it's jumping out of planes or chasing the one we want, our heart is beating,

Louder. Faster. Harder. Stronger.

It beats as If we had two bodies, or doubled our size.

Risky, maybe. Crazy, definitely.

But sometimes it's the things we thought we would never do,

That change our lives, forever.

Every now and then things get crazy, hell breaks lose.

Every now and then we risk it all for a determination beyond reason.

Every now and then, we leave nothing left in curiosity.

And when we live through it, whether we make it or lose it, face it or love it, it is enshrined forever.

It is tattooed in our memories, our hearts, our lives.

What we did or wanted to do.

What we have or could've had.

What we lived with knowing,

Or knowing we lived without.